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Salsa Rejection - Johnny Johnson
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Did you know that there's power in salsa
dancing?
What kind of power you might ask?
Power to uplift, entertain, communicate, relieve, teach,
learn,
unify, love and accept; unfortunately there is also a
flipside to
this extraordinary power. Salsa can also be used to
discourage,
avoid, separate, upstage, aggravate, mislead, scrutinize,
hate and
REJECT.
Is there ever an appropriate time to use the flipside of
this
extraordinary power to reject someone's dance request?
Most people would immediately say "No, you should dance with
as many people as possible. Salsa should be about having fun
and accepting people regardless of level."
Others would say, "Sometimes its ok to say no. Sometimes you
go to a club, social, or congress to dance with people on
your level"
The rest just say the most popular response..."It just
depends.
Sometimes you maybe in the mood to dance with anyone,
sometimes you want to dance with specific individuals. It
just depends."
If you are truly into salsa dancing you have faced the
dilemma of
salsa rejection at some point in your salsa journey whether
receiving or initiating it.
Unfortunately women tend to have the power when it comes to
rejection; why, because 99% of the time a guy is asking a
lady to
dance. Although I believe in equal rights for all genders, I
guess
since guys get to lead the dance (most of the time), we
should have
to suffer a little extra at some point of the process.
Nevertheless, despite this unavoidable pressure that comes
with
being a lead, I still see a lot of ladies not dancing,
complaining
and pouting in the corners of the clubs. Ladies, do you feel
a sense
of rejection because no one is asking you to dance? You do.
Well, I
have absolute no pity for you. (I know that sound harsh
doesn't it)
But truthfully, if you really wanted to dance, all you have
to do
is "appear to want to dance." This can be accomplished by
standing
near the dance floor, smiling, nodding your head to the
music, doing
a halfway basic step, and even singing the lyrics if you
know them,
faking it if you don't. I guarantee some guy will ask you to
dance
(I know I would), if not, there is probably a bigger issue
at hand.
If this doesn't work, you can always simply ask a guy to
dance.
Asking a GUY, I know, how degrading!! That's almost like
being
desperate or something; however, most guys don't see it that
way,
and if they do there's definitely something wrong with them.
If
anything, guys are usually shocked, but delighted to see a
women
step out of the normal process and ask us to dance. Ladies
if you
find yourself complaining or pouting in the salsa corner
because no
one is asking you to dance you may want to ask yourself this
question; "Is it better to remain upset but not appear to be
desperate or should you step away from the norm to have a
great
time?"
So with that said let examine this whole rejection thing.
Sizing up a Salsero: This is an all too common act misused
by
beginners, intermediate and advanced dancers, namely ladies.
That's
right I said it, LADIES. This is the process of looking at a
guy for
the first time (having never seen him dance before) and
determining
if he fits the profile of a qualified salsa dancer, by
merely one
glimpse. Now that's a lot of power. You might be in the
wrong
profession if you can do this effectively. The problem is
most
people don't. I take this one personally because I fall
victim to it
so often. I know I'm not a skinny Latin guy with wide leg
dress
pants, a shimmery dress shirt, and shiny shoes. However,
that does
not mean I can't break out a mean basic salsa step. In case
you
don't know what I'm talking about, here's one scenario:
I walk up to a young lady in the club and say "Excuse me
miss,
what's your name, Can you come, hang with me." Oh my bad
wrong
genre! Take two..I'm in the "salsa club," I walk up to a
young lady
and say, "Excuse me, would you like to dance," she visually
sizes me
up and with a confused gesture responds with the following:
"Do you
know how to dance?" The normal more sarcastic Johnny thinks
to
himself, "hmmm, would I be hanging out in a salsa club,
nodding my
head to salsa music, and asking you to dance if I had no
clue how to
dance.." But since I am trying to use my powers for good,
(you know
love, uplifting, communicating, and that other stuff I
mentioned
earlier), I politely smile and say, "yeah I can dance a
little."
Now there are generally two types of responses: The Good and
The
Evil.
The Good.."Ok, let's dance," she responds. We proceed to the
floor,
I initiate the basic step on time (to her surprise), give
here a
nice prep, a few turns, a couple cross body lead turn
patterns and
she's all smiles for the remainder of the dance. Guys, you
may have
to do a little more depending on her level, but if she
smiling you
may never have to experience the "decision-making" from her
again.
She will also tell her friends about you, so there will be
even
fewer decisions to be made that night. Salsa is such a
beautiful
thing!
Ok, what if you're not good? Glad you asked:
If you don't know the basics.. you'll probably proceed to
the floor
initiate a step (possibly on top of her foot), mimic a
couple of
moves you saw someone else doing, move to your rhythm and
hopefully
finish out the song. Chances are, if she's nice, she will
still
smile and even say thank you for the dance; however, she'll
probably
avoid you for the remainder of the night and warn her
friends about
you. You may want to work the other side of the club after
this
dance.
Ok guys, what if you think you're really good, but you're
really not
good? Review the above scenario.
Finally, what if both of you'll have no clue what's going
and you
think you're doing salsa when it's really a merengue song?
You'll
probably have the time of you life. Heck this might end up
being
some sort of love connection, so work it out bro!
Now for The Evil..your initial response to her question,
"Can you
dance?" just wasn't good enough.
Chances are you are secretly trying to holla at (flirt) her
and
you're merely using this salsa stuff as a method to get
closer;
after all guys are way too shallow to simply enjoy a dance
with no
strings attached, right? So she gives the abrupt
rejection... but
wait a second buddy. you don't get off that easy, there are
several
types of abrupt rejections:
? You may get the "I can't believe this fool has the
audacity to ask
me to dance, does he know who heck I am, he better
recognize!!!" -
Look of Disgust- before the actual rejection follows! Ladies
this is
the absolute worst way for a guy to get rejected. He will
always
remember you, but for the wrong reason! You are officially
on the
DND list (see below).
DND list: Do not dance with her even if she is the last
person
walking the face of the earth and begs me to dance with her;
and if
she is the last person on earth, my freestyle and shines
will be
really really good.
? You may get the salsa water break rejection. Generally
she'll give
you a slight frown followed by a pleading explanation, "I am
really
really tired right now, I want to finish my water (or
drink), my
feet hurt really really bad, maybe another time." Not so bad
right,
WRONG.This doesn't become evil until she is on the floor
breaking it
down with another guy before can you get two feet away from
her; And
she strategically makes sure "another time" never arrives.
This is
also a very popular way to get rejected. Ladies, we will
remember
you and we are bitter for the time being, but we'll recover
much
quicker than the previous discussed scenario. Chances are
you won't
even make the DND list but you are definitely on the DNA
list (see
below).
DNA list: Do not ask this girl to dance ever again. The only
way we
will dance is if she asks me. Afterwards, I may consider
removing
her from the DNA list.
? Finally you may get the simple, yet cold "thanks for
sweating me
(smile), but no thanks on the dance (response)." Generally
you get
this response because in her mind there's no way in the
world you
could really be solid enough to hang with her on the floor;
or.
she's just not feeling it right now; or. she's not feeling
you right
now. Luckily guys brush this off pretty easily (what can I
say,
smiling is a powerful thing), plus we've already spotted
someone
else to dance with or we really just don't care (we've
probably had
a few drinks anyway; tomorrow we won't even remember this
experience).
So is there ever a time when it's okay for ladies to reject
someone.
YES! (I know, I'm such a sellout!) But sometimes a lady has
a
legitimate reason for saying no and here are some acceptable
terms
for "politely" (remember the power behind that smile ladies)
telling
a guy no.
? Ok guys, you've danced with her for 20 straight songs,
she's about
to fall out and die from exhaustion and dehydration but
that's not
stopping you at all; and worst of all the DJ is blending the
music,
so she definitely can't escape this salsa hell. Guys stop
being
stalkers and go see if those turn patterns will work on
someone
else, it's practically choreography for her at this point.
Besides,
there's a lot guys, like me, waiting for an opening that you
just
won't allow. Ladies it's ok to avoid this guy.
? This guy really suffers from the David Copperfield
syndrome. No
matter how much she hates it or how many people you've
injured, you
just gotta try the back flip, neck drop, twisting thing you
saw
Francisco do. The only problem is that he was on stage and
you're in
the middle of a crowed dance floor. Save the dangerous
tricks for
ample space and stop endangering her well being for the sake
of
showing off. Remember ladies your safety comes before
showing off
some guys salsa moves.
? Finally there's LA Style, NY Style and there's "Ike and
Tina-
Turner Style." He's never heard of it, but dances it very
well. It
looks like some sort of domestic dispute when he's dancing.
Was she
cheating on you? Did she disrespect you in front of your
homeboys?
There's has to be a better way to work this situation out.
Somebody
call the bouncers.. If he's known in the ladies rest room
(of the
salsa club) for all the arms he's nearly torn out of socket,
it's ok
to avoid this guy as well.
Ladies if you ever come across any of these described
scenarios, the
salsa gods give you permission to give him that nice pretty
smile
and gently decline (wow I can believe I just encouraged this
type of
behavior).
Ok, maybe there are times when it's ok for ladies to use the
power
of rejection for evil, I mean, their protection. However,
ladies
whether you're mambo diva or a confused beginner; NO still
feel the
same even to the most advanced dancer. So try your best to
smile and
be gentle if you're going to decline someone. I promise we
won't
hate you as much.
As for the guys, we need to discover something called a
quick
recovery! Don't let the power salsa rejection ruin your
night, suck
it up and move on to the next dance bro. Just keep your DND
and DNA
lists handy. Besides you don't want to miss one of best
dances of
your life, which could be that very next dance. |
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